Wherever You Will Go
by Rachel Snape17
Summary: Cole's PoV after his vanquish; his spirit now watches over the Halliwells. Chapter 5 Uploaded- were Phoebe and Cole really destined to be together?
1. Prologue

Summary: This is a story coming from Cole's POV as though he's speaking to Phoebe after he's been vanquished. Initially, it's his thoughts on his life, and his relationship with Phoebe. As a twist, it turns out that little Wyatt is the only one able to see Cole's spirit watching over the Halliwells.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for occasional language and other topics.  
  
Copyright Information: I do not own or claim to own anything relating to Charmed. All characters and such are the property of the WB and whomever else owns the rights to the show. However I do claim this continuation of the storyline as my own brainchild. Don't sue me, because I don't have enough money to make it worthwhile; really, I'm a freshman in high school without a job. And you can't have my lunch money, because I need to eat, so there.  
  
I also don't own the song "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling. I suppose that group owns it or something; it's sure not me.  
  
Also, for some reason Fanfiction.net has a hard time figuring out bold/italicized/etc. text whenever I upload word documents; I apologize, there's nothing I can do about it.  
  
And now that all the technicalities are over, we move on to the story.  
  
Wherever You Will Go  
  
Prologue  
  
"Phoebe, what're you doing? Hurry, throw it, before he shimmers out!"  
  
"She's not going to throw it. Are you?"  
  
"Phoebe, are you out of your mind, throw it!"  
  
"We've been through too much, haven't we, Phoebe? Our love is too strong; nothing can destroy it, not even this. We're meant to be together."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Noooooo!"  
  
No matter how many times I relive that memory, it still hurts me. I'm not talking about physical pain, though there was certainly plenty of that. I'm talking about the way my heart felt as though it were being ripped to pieces when you threw the potion.  
  
I was so confident that you wouldn't throw it, so sure that my first vanquishing had been some sort of fluke. Even when you spoke and denounced our love, I still thought that you would hold back; that in an instant you would realize your mistake. But that instant never came.  
  
I wish that I could say most of the events following my death were a blur to me; I wish I could say that I really don't remember what happened after I died. But it didn't happen that way, and I have no use for lies any more. Lies are used to manipulate and deceive; I have neither the power nor the desire to do either.  
  
You see, as I gradually slipped into madness, death became an obsession for me. I had totally abandoned viewing my invincibility as a gift; for me, it became the cruelest of curses. I managed to convince myself that if I died, the pain would all end; I believed that forces from both sides would ensure that my spirit were obliterated entirely. Neither of them wanted me to find some way to return a third time to earth. I believed that death was the answer, the only way out.  
  
That conclusion was proven wrong shortly after my flesh was incinerated by the potion. Instead of the blissful numbness I had expected, I found myself standing in a place where the dark purple sky was routinely marked with jagged flashes of lightning. The soil I stood on was red, like the color of blood. I discovered that my hands and legs were rendered useless by magical bonds; I was helpless, able only to stand and await whatever destiny had in store for me.  
  
I heard two voices near me, though as far as I could tell there was no one else anywhere in my vicinity. "You still wish to do this? You know that he is rightfully your property; you can still back out. Once the ceremony begins, it cannot be stopped." The first voice carried a certain pure feeling to it, and I knew that it represented the Light.  
  
"We are sure; he has caused too much trouble in the Underworld as of late. He won't submit to his demonic half as he used to. He's too hard for us to control. Be done with it so that my kin and I don't have to bear your sickeningly Good presence any longer." I instinctively recognized this voice, the voice of Evil. It was a voice that had once been master over me, but not any more.  
  
Suddenly, I felt a searing hot pain rush through my body. I screamed louder than I ever had in my life. It felt as though someone were ripping me apart, limb from limb. In a few minutes, it was over. I gradually became aware that a part of me had disappeared; my demonic half was gone entirely. It was a strange feeling, to have finally eradicated the evil that used to smolder in my soul.  
  
Then, without warning, everything faded away into darkness. I was suspended in a realm that was neither Heaven nor Hell. Demons and angels alike had both forsaken me; neither side was willing to take my soul into their custody. Looking back, I don't blame them.  
  
Surrounded by a vast nothingness, I had nothing that I could focus on. It was inevitable that my thoughts would eventually turn to my last few moments of life, as well as our relationship. I think that might have been part of what the two sides intended when they decided my fate. It was the ultimate punishment, to be forced to exist with the pain raging inside of me.  
  
Initially, I tried to block out the images that assaulted my mind; I knew that they would bring too much turmoil with them, and I didn't want to deal with it. But eventually, my defenses became depleted, and I allowed myself to remember.  
  
I remembered when we first met, and how I had dreamed of the glory that would follow once I destroyed the Power of Three. Then my mortal half fell in love with you, and I started to waver from the path I had been traveling on for so many years. You won't acknowledge it, Phoebe, but it was you who brought out the good in me.  
  
I became a double-agent, always trying to cover my tracks. I knew that both witches and demons were hunting me, but for our love I was willing to risk my life. Then the Source possessed me, and we became rulers of the Underworld together. I was intoxicated by the power the Source represented, and I was only dimly aware that what he was forcing me to do was wrong. I did want our baby to live, Phoebe. I didn't want our child to become a creature of evil, a creature that was incapable of love. But I was powerless to stop events that snowballed, one after the other.  
  
The first vanquishing didn't break my heart, not entirely. I thought that you would take me back, once I told you that I would use my powers only for good. So, I fought my way out of the pit of souls I had been submerged in; I emerged more powerful than either of us could ever have imagined.  
  
My dreams were shattered again when you rejected me after my return. I vowed to keep trying, but eventually I sank into depression. From there, I went to madness. When I was offered the chance to get you back, I leapt at it; I didn't pause to think out the consequences. Then everything became a whirlwind of mistakes, and you killed me.  
  
As the memories melded and mixed together in my thoughts, I realized that I was able to see things in a different view. Without my demonic half, I was able to see clearly the signs that you were hurting just as badly as me; I saw how you would tense up, how there was always a flash of pain in your eyes before the anger. And I realized that the Balthazar in me had ultimately destroyed us.  
  
Of course, it's too late now for me to apologize. It's too late for me to say that I was wrong, and that I never meant to hurt you like I have. The words of the dead would not reach your ears unless magic interfered, and magic has deserted me.  
  
I'm not sure how long I was suspended in the darkness; time somehow loses its significance when you die. But after I had relived our memories many times, I became aware that the darkness was fading away. As it dissipated, I found myself standing in your bedroom. You were slumbering in your bed, the covers wrapped tightly around your body. I thought that I was hallucinating, or that I had gone mad once more; but as I watched your chest rise and fall with the steady rhythm of your breathing, I realized that this was real.  
  
I reached out a hand to touch your cheek, and felt my throat tighten as it passed right through you. I was nothing more than a ghost, a wandering spirit. Your eyes fluttered open briefly as you rolled over on your side, but you didn't see me; I was invisible. I could not interfere or manipulate your life; all I could do was watch.  
  
I stood there all night, drinking in the image of you. When you eventually woke up the next morning, your eyes didn't even flicker in my direction. I was only a few feet away from your bed, yet you walked right through my nonexistent body to get to your dresser. You reached over to turn on the radio, and a song played softly.  
  
So lately, been wondering, who will be there to take my place? When I'm gone, you'll need love, to light the shadows on your face. If a great wave shall fall, it will fall upon us all. And between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own?  
  
If I could, then I would. I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.  
  
And maybe, I'll find out, a way to make it back someday To want you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days. If a great wave shall fall, it would fall upon us all. Well I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you!  
  
If I could, then I would. I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.  
  
Runaway with my heart; Runaway with my hope; Runaway with my love.  
  
I know now, just quite how, my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all time!  
  
If I could, then I would. I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.  
  
If I could turn back time I'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will go  
  
When you turned to face me, I was surprised to see tears in your eyes. You angrily wiped them away, and I heard you whisper, "Why can't I just forget him?" Then you were walking down the stairs, pushing away the emotions as I had tried to push away memories. I could only watch, every fiber of my being aching to wrap you in my arms.  
  
End of Prologue  
  
Review Plea: The way I function is this: the more reviews I receive, the faster I will update. I can't put it any simpler than that.. 


	2. Chapter 1: TwiceBlessed Child

Author's Notes: Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! I'm sorry the update took awhile, I had a hard time thinking how to set up this chapter.  
  
Cole-Phoebe-lover: Wow, I've never made anyone cry before; I guess I should be glad this story moves you so much! Thanks for letting me know you liked it.  
  
Aniah: That's exactly how I feel; stupid writers.  
  
Robyn: Grab more of 'em, cause reviews make my day!  
  
Bubbly*pop: Don't worry, Cole will be taking an active role; I just have to set things up some. And I like that fifty-reviews idea there. I love Cole too!  
  
Beba: Glad you like it!  
  
Plasmic Female: The first time I got the lyrics for Wherever You Will Go, I thought instantly of Cole and Phoebe; now I can't listen to it without getting all depressed, lol.  
  
Scott Pike: Don't worry, I've always thought that Cole and Phoebe WERE meant to be, despite what the evil writers did.  
  
Chapter 1: Twice-Blessed Child  
  
At first, I couldn't stand being so close to you, and yet so far away. Death had never been a barrier between us before, but this time I was helpless; there was nothing I could fight against, nothing for me to do but watch over you. I've never been the type of guy who could sit on the sidelines, and I was convinced that this was some new sort of torture devised by the Powers That Be to punish me more for what I had done.  
  
Nothing could punish me more than seeing you go through your own grief and pain alone. I could tell that you were hiding it from your sisters, purposely changing the subject whenever any of them mentioned me. I think that they wanted to believe it as well; I heard Paige telling Piper she was so relieved that the "Cole Problem" was finally in the past. I didn't blame her; after all, she had only known me as a demon and a madman.  
  
Of course, they didn't see how you cried yourself to sleep at night. I heard you tell Piper that you had thrown away the pictures of us together, but I knew otherwise; I had seen you place our photos in your bottom dresser drawer. You took out the same picture I had sitting on my dresser, the one where we were laughing together. I knew what you were feeling as you gazed at that picture; I also knew that you were too proud, and too frightened to admit that you still loved me. You didn't want to say that you had loved a demon; you were afraid it would be a sign of weakness, that somehow it would make you a part of the evil that had destroyed us. I wished that I could tell you that it was all right, that you didn't have to deny our love. I knew your sisters well enough to be sure that they would try to understand you; they wouldn't push you away as you had pushed me.  
  
Time passed, and gradually you started crying less and less; the picture stayed in the drawer for longer amounts of time. In the past, I would not have wanted you to move on; with my demonic half obliterated, however, I was instead glad that you were beginning to enjoy life again. I realized that what I really wanted was for you to be happy, and that showed the depth of my love for you.  
  
You hadn't cried over me for weeks when Piper's baby was born; I have to admit, I was scared that you were going to die that night, along with your sisters. Instead, I ended up watching the next generation of Halliwells being born. It brought an ache inside of me again, to see Piper and Leo holding their son, while Paige and you gathered around them. I did not imagine the brief look of loss that passed over your features; I knew you were thinking of the same thing I was, of the child that we had lost. I would never lose my guilt for what happened to our own son, or the pain that betrayal had caused you.  
  
Still, in a moment the grief you held was gone from sight, and you were paying full attention to the twice-blessed child. In the weeks that followed, I was the only one to understand your obsession with him; you felt that this child was one you had to protect, because you hadn't been able to save your own. I wanted so badly to tell you that it wasn't your fault; it was mine, mine for being too weak to combat the Source inside of me! I destroyed us, Phoebe, and for that I will suffer for all time.  
  
I must admit that I had no fondness for Jason when you started dating him; I didn't trust him, and it alarmed me that you did. Of course, there was nothing I could do to stop you as your relationship with him deepened. I had a feeling that he wouldn't accept you for what you were, if you ever told him.  
  
A month or so after you started going out with your boss, something happened that would change destiny once again. The day started off innocently enough; Wyatt was finally beginning to sleep through the night, much to the joy of Leo and Piper. The whole family was in the kitchen for breakfast, which Piper had cooked. Leo was warming a bottle for his son, you were hurrying to finish a column for Jason, and Paige was reading the newspaper.  
  
Suddenly, the infant began to cry loudly, his force-field going up. Piper turned, ready to blast away, but there wasn't a demon in sight. Being a spirit gave me the advantage of being able to see what was invisible to those living; a demon was putting something into Wyatt's bottle. He shimmered out once his work was done, and Wyatt stopped crying. Leo and Piper exchanged looks, no doubt wondering what that was all about.  
  
Piper lifted up her son to feed him his bottle as you all searched the house for a demon that you would not find. Eventually, everyone returned to the kitchen. Wyatt appeared to be sleeping in his mother's arms, but when I watched him closely I noticed that his chest was no longer rising and falling as it normally did. Something was very, very wrong.  
  
"Wyatt's not breathing!" Piper noticed it seconds after I did, her eyes widening in fear. Leo took a step towards them, and at that instant two demons along with a Darklighter materialized in the room. Paige managed to reach and grab a vanquishing potion from the counter, killing one of the demons. The Darklighter let loose an arrow from his crossbow that hit Leo in the stomach. Piper screamed in outrage, setting down her child and proceeding to blow up both the Darklighter and the remaining demon. The surprise attack had caught everyone off-guard, and it took a few moments for the Charmed Ones to react.  
  
"Paige, heal him!" Piper pulled the arrow from Leo's body, and Paige knelt over him. She still had trouble healing, and I could tell that everyone was just praying this would work. The newest sister took the Whitelighter's hand, and what small amounts of strength he had left flowed into her, giving her the power to heal him.  
  
"Piper, the baby." You were standing over Wyatt, panic in your voice. I knew that you were thinking that you couldn't lose another one. Piper rushed over to her son as Leo sat up.  
  
"Oh my God, he's turning blue! Leo!" The infant's skin had a tinge of blue to it, his body deathly still. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I witnessed his spirit rising from his form. Leo started healing, and very slowly the baby's spirit was drawn back into his body.  
  
When he opened his eyes, they focused on the spot where I was standing. At first I thought I was imagining things, but Wyatt's gaze followed me when I moved to the left, and I realized that something important had taken place. Because of what had just happened, and how he had briefly been in the spirit world, Wyatt Halliwell, the twice-blessed child, could see me. 


	3. Chapter 2: Speaker For The Dead

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the late update; I'm having extreme problems updating my fanfics, and I know that I'm probably losing fans because of it. Thanks for the reviews I got last chapter; this one was rather rushed, and I'm sorry about that. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if I'll be able to bring Cole and Phoebe back together in this one, since he's dead and all. I know he's cheated death before, but I already wrote a fic with him coming back- I'm thinking of painting a different picture this time, so to speak. Oh, and I'm not sure when kids begin talking, so I took a wild guess with Wyatt.  
  
Chapter 2: Speaker For The Dead  
I'm not sure exactly how or why it happened, but from that moment on Wyatt could see me. Of course, that didn't do me much good, since he couldn't very well tell anyone about it. Still, it was a comfort when I noticed that he didn't put up his force-field when he saw me. Instead, he'd stare at me with an intense gaze that reminded me of you.  
  
Then there was the day I really interacted with him, instead of silently watching. Piper was talking on the phone, holding Wyatt in one arm. He was starting to get fussy, and for some reason, I made a face at him, wanting to cheer him up. It must've worked, because he started giggling, holding his arms out to me. Piper glanced down at him with a confused look on her face. "Hey silly, there's no one there." I couldn't help smiling- the first time I'd smiled in months.  
  
This connection with Wyatt helped to ease the pain I felt inside whenever I saw you. Even though I could tell that you were beginning to recover from our relationship, I noticed that you never got rid of the picture of both of us. That kept hope alive in me, though hope for what I could not say. Another chance with you was nearly impossible, considering the circumstances.  
  
I'm not sure how many months went by, but it was after Wyatt's first birthday that destiny stepped in once more to effect both of our lives (or afterlife, in my case). Wyatt was indeed a twice-blessed child; he was already picking up words and attempting to put together simple sentences.  
  
I had watched as you dated different men, none of them lasting all that long. I could also see that with each break-up, you were becoming more bitter and discouraged with love. One night, you and your sisters, along with Wyatt, were sitting on your bed.  
  
"Pheebs, what's wrong? You've been quiet today." Piper had transitioned well from middle sister to oldest; I could see it in the way she picked up on both your and Paige's emotions.  
  
"Oh, I broke up with Brandon today." Brandon was your most recent boyfriend, having lasted roughly three weeks. Noticing the incredulous looks your sisters were displaying, you spoke again. "He just wasn't the right type- I wasn't feeling any sparks."  
  
Paige and Piper both exchanged a look- it was the same excuse that you had used with several of your recent relationships.'  
  
"To tell you the truth, I'm beginning to wonder if guys are really worth it." Your tone was more serious now. "Ever since. . .you know. . .I haven't been able to have a relationship that came even close to what we had before Cole went off the deep end." You tried to sound light-hearted when you talked about me, but I could see the pain in your eyes.  
  
My heart ached, and I spoke quietly, wishing you could hear me. "Phoebe, I'm so sorry."  
  
Wyatt turned to look at me, his blue eyes bright with intelligence. Then, to my surprise, he turned to you and spoke in his broken baby-talk. "Co sowry."  
  
"What was that, little guy?" You smiled down at him, unable to understand.  
  
"Co sowry!" You said it louder this time, pausing to grin at me. I tried to smile back, but I knew it was weak. I was watching you, wondering how you would react.  
  
"Did he just say-" Paige started, then stopped. I had learned that any topics concerning me were basically considered taboo around you.  
  
"Pheebs, I think he just told you that Cole's sorry." Piper never did have a problem with stating the obvious. "Why would he say that? Unless. . ."  
  
You looked around the room, and I tensed as your eyes met mine. But you showed no signs of seeing me, instead staring at a wall, your voice barely above a whisper. "Unless Cole's back." 


	4. Chapter 3: Summoning Spirits

Author's Notes: Thanks to my most wonderful reviewers, without whom this story would probably have fallen into oblivion. Here's another chapter, but I'm sorry to say that this fanfic will probably end in a few more updates, because I'm having a lot of trouble getting the storyline to work as well as I thought it would when I wrote the prologue; but don't worry, I'll make sure both Phoebe and Cole have some closure.  
  
Chapter 3: Summoning Spirits  
  
Piper immediately lifted Wyatt and settled him in her lap, her eyes darting around the room. She never had liked me before, and after the Source possessed me, her dislike had turned to a hatred nearly as vehement as yours. After Prue's death, I had noticed that Piper began taking personal offense when any of her family was threatened. That meant that I was probably number one on her demon hit list. "That's impossible, isn't it? Paige?"  
  
Paige had a perplexed look on her face; I almost felt sorry for her. By all rights, my soul should have been left in Hell in the alternate reality- but destiny seemed to have something else in mind. "It should be impossible- I mean, the Book was pretty clear that anything involving alternate realities is final, no coming back. But this is Cole we're talking about." She trailed off, as though unwilling to say more. I had a feeling that my returning would be a definite blow to her pride.  
  
"You're right- that bastard never seems to stay dead for long." Piper sounded more irritated than actually frightened- I suppose that by this point my returning from the dead was commonplace enough that all awe and fear were long gone. "Leo!"  
  
The Whitelighter arrived in a swirl of blue orbs a moment later. Wyatt turned his attention from me to his father, reaching out his chubby arms and gurgling. Leo smiled at him. "Hey there, little guy. Daddy's glad to see you too." Then he looked to Piper, who didn't look nearly as happy as her son. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"We think that Cole might be back again." Your tone was softer than usual as you spoke, and once again I silently wished that I could take back all I'd done to hurt you.  
  
"That's impossible." Leo's smile disappeared; the Whitelighter and I had always been natural enemies, despite working together when you and I were together.  
  
"Yeah, well, if you haven't noticed, Cole has a habit of doing a lot of impossible things. Like, oh say, fighting his way out of Hell to be alive again, becoming invincible, and creating an alternate reality." Piper's tone was sarcastic, as it often was, but her eyes were serious. I also noticed that she kept glancing at you, as though checking to make sure you were okay.  
  
"No, I mean this time, it really is impossible. Not even Cole had the powers to return to our reality, not unless powerful forces from Good and Evil allowed it. And even then, they wouldn't be able to bring him back to life. He'd be a spirit, a ghost, if they brought him back." Leo was frowning, his blue eyes now cloudy.  
  
"A ghost?" Your face had paled slightly, and I began to wonder if Wyatt alerting you to my presence was a good thing or not.  
  
"Well, if he's ghost now, then we should be able to summon him, like Grams." Piper stood up, Wyatt whimpering in protest from the sudden movement. "Let's go try out the spell."  
  
A few minutes later, you were all gathered around the Book of Shadows, the candles in place on the floor. I stood the side, nervous. After all, even though I wanted badly to speak to you, I knew that you probably wanted nothing more to do with me- that summoning me might only inflict more pain on you. Then you and your sisters started the spell, and I no longer had any control over my movement.  
  
"Spirit from the other side, come to me, I summon thee. Cross now the great divide." I felt my spirit being pulled into the circle of candles, felt myself materializing in front of you, before I had a chance to react.  
  
All of your gazes were suddenly focused on me, including Wyatt's. The twice-blessed child giggled, seemingly amused at the situation. He was the only one smiling.  
  
"Phoebe-" I took a step forward, my gaze locked with yours.  
  
"Hold it right there, mister." Piper was glaring at me, her eyes flashing in warning.  
  
"Relax. I'm a ghost, remember?" There was a tinge of irritation to my tone, something that I hadn't intended. I was just annoyed at how you all seemed to automatically assume that I was there to cause harm, even though deep inside I knew that I hadn't given you many reasons to think differently. "Besides, if I wanted to hurt you, I would have. I've been haunting the Manor for over a year." Right after the words left my lips, I realized that they probably weren't the most comforting. And if looks could kill, Piper's glare would have sent me right back into Hell.  
  
"Why?" Your voice cracked as you spoke, and I nearly flinched when I met your gaze, seeing the pain in your eyes. "Why do you keep coming back? Why do you keep doing this to me?!" Tears were gathering in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you again, Phoebe." I wished so badly that I could take you in my arms, but I didn't move. "I'm so sorry." 


	5. Chapter 4: Mending Broken Hearts

Author's Note: Okay, here's another chapter. I still have no idea where to go from here, but at least Phoebe and Cole are reconciling some. I can write one more chapter and end it, or I can continue this by involving Wyatt and Cole more. I'm undecided at the moment, because I feel like I'm writing everyone horribly out of character. I don't know, maybe it's just me. *sighs* Anyways, I'll be gone for mostly the rest of the month with vacation and camps, so don't expect a quick update after this unless I write another chapter tomorrow.  
  
Barb: I'm trying not to give up, but if I can't find some way to get into the story again, I'm going to have to wrap it up, cause I hate feeling like I'm not writing well enough.  
  
Evil Angel: I'll try to give Cole some peace, if I can. We'll see what happens.  
  
Dreaming: I know what you mean, I do need to get something in here, I'm just having writers block figuring out what exactly. *sighs* I think my brain shut down when school ended.  
  
Chapter 4: Mending Broken Hearts  
  
"You think you can just apologize, and that will make everything okay?  
You're crazier than I thought." Piper's tone was scathing, her glare  
revealing a hatred that would put most demons to shame. She had put  
one arm around your shoulder, and I realized just how much she loves  
you. She didn't hate me because I was a demon, or because I'd tried to  
kill her several times. She hated me because I'd hurt you, Phoebe.  
Piper hated me because I'd made her baby sister feel pain, and that  
was something I knew that she'd never forgive me for.  
  
A familiar jingling broke the silence, and Leo looked heavenward.  
"It's the Elders- it sounds urgent." He shared a look with Piper, and  
then they both looked right at me. "Will you be all right alone with  
him?"  
  
"We'll be fine." Piper's tone was firm. There was a swirl of blue  
orbs, and then the Whitelighter was gone. I looked back at you, and  
saw one tear making its way down your cheek. You met my gaze, and I  
took a step back, the intensity of it surprising me.  
  
"I know that you haven't let go of me yet." I'm not sure why I said  
those words just then- I certainly hadn't intended to. They just  
slipped out. Piper and Paige looked shocked; you'd hidden your  
feelings from them well enough that I doubted they had ever guessed  
the extent of your grief.  
  
"I hate you." Your words were soft, and you looked down at the floor  
when you spoke them, then met my eyes again. "I hate what you've done  
to me, Cole. I hate how you wrecked everything." Now the tears started  
coming faster, your body shaking with sobs. "I trusted you, I gave you  
my heart, and you broke it, Cole."  
  
"And it hasn't healed yet, has it?" I knew that I was treading on  
dangerous ground, but I was tired of remaining silent, of seeing you  
hold your pain inside. You glared, though I knew your anger was only  
covering your fear that I might reveal your secret. "Do you want to  
know why it hasn't healed, Phoebe? It's not because you hate me,  
though I'm sure you do. It's because you still lo-"  
  
You cut me off, yelling at me. "Don't even say it, Cole! Just don't  
say it!"  
  
I held your gaze, feeling more sure of myself than I had for months.  
This was one time neither of us was going to run away from our  
feelings. "You still love me, Phoebe. Why are you so afraid of that?"  
  
Your response was punctuated by sobs, and your sisters looked at one  
another, neither of them having expected this turn of events. No doubt  
you'd convinced them that you were over me- and it had been easier for  
them to believe that, easier for them to believe that you would be  
fine, so they had accepted it. Now they were beginning to realize that  
you'd been lying all along, not only to them, but also to yourself.  
"Because I shouldn't love you- you ruined my life, Cole. You ruined  
everything, but I still miss you, I still remember everything, when we  
were happy together, how you kissed me, the way I felt safe with you..  
I can't- I can't handle this." You broke down completely, only Piper  
and Paige's arms keeping you from collapsing. I watched, aware that  
I'd opened a floodgate that you'd closed off for a long time.  
  
"Shhhh, it's okay Pheebs, it's all right." Piper gently stroked your  
hair, supporting you with her other arm. "Why are you doing this to  
her?" She looked at me, and for the first time I saw pain in her eyes  
as well, instead of just anger.  
  
"Because we both need to find peace, that's why. Because we never got  
a chance to make things right, and it's killing both of us." I spoke  
the truth, straight from my heart. Without my demonic half, my  
emotions were magnified in ways they'd never been when I was alive.  
  
"Make things right? Don't tell me you're going to try and get her back  
again, Cole." The suspicion and distrust was so clear that I felt a  
tinge of pain, reminded of how I'd acted before.  
  
"No." Your sobs died down some, your eyes puffy and red as they met  
mine. "No, I'm not going to try that. I had my chances before, and I  
wasted them. And I'm sorry for that, Phoebe, I truly am." My apology  
had little effect on you, at least from what I could tell. Not that I  
had expected it to do much; they were only words, and words could not  
heal a broken heart.  
  
"I hate you- I hate Balthazar." You paused, taking a ragged breath.  
"But I love Cole Turner."  
  
I couldn't begin to explain what those words meant to me, words I had  
waited so long to hear you say. I stepped forward, wanting to embrace  
you, and I noticed that you took half a step as well. But then you  
stopped, and I realized that even though you'd finally let everything  
out, you still weren't healed. Your heart was still broken, and I  
hated myself for being the one to break it. But now, hopefully, you  
could begin to heal. That was what I wanted for you- I wanted you to  
live a happy life, even if I wasn't in it. "I love you too, Phoebe.  
And I always will."  
  
I stiffened as I felt something shift in the air. A force was pulling  
me away, yanking my spirit from Earth. I struggled against it, locking  
gazes with you, not wanting to leave. I knew what was happening, but I  
didn't want to go back. . . 


	6. Chapter 5: Change of Destiny

Author's Notes: Thanks to all my reviewers, sorry once again for the late update, I'm having real writer's block with this story. Also, I switched to writing it in third-person, because I think I write better in that mode than in first-person, sorry. I'm *still* not sure if I should continue this- I think I want to, but I'm not sure how to do it without making things too predictable. I've also got a few new ideas for other fanfics, so I don't know when I'll be updating this again- it's not finished, but I can't set a deadline to my next update because I really don't know how to continue this. . .I'm sure I'll think of something, it just may be awhile.  
  
Chapter 5: Change of Destiny  
  
Once again, darkness engulfed Cole. However, instead of accepting that darkness as he had before, Cole fought with all of his might against it. His physical form was nearly nonexistent at this point, but that didn't matter. It was a mental battle that raged, a war of wills that he strived to win. Unfortunately for Cole, he was struggling against forces that were more powerful than he could imagine.  
  
In only a few moments, the darkness was complete, and Cole realized that he was no longer in the realm of the living. Even worse, he could feel his spirit weakening. It seemed as though the Powers That Be had decided not to leave him torment any longer- They were going to destroy his spirit entirely. At the time he was vanquished, Cole might have considered this course of action a blessing. Now, however, it was a curse. He had thought that he was over Phoebe, but watching over her for so long and talking to her recently had unleashed a flood of emotions that left him gasping. Even if they could never recreate what they had, he couldn't let go of her. He couldn't bear the thought that he might never see her smile again, that he might never hear her voice again.  
  
"No! Phoebe! Damnit, I don't want to go back!" Cole yelled as loudly as he could, the desperation clear in his tone. Rage and fear mixed with a pain that went deeper than any physical wound.  
  
"Cole?" Phoebe's voice was barely above a whisper as she gazed at the empty place where Cole's spirit had been moments earlier. "What just happened?" She turned to her sisters, searching for answers. Neither Piper or Paige had any to offer her. Phoebe turned her gaze to their Whitelighter. He was the one who usually had the answers when the Charmed Ones needed them.  
  
"I'm not sure-" Leo started, but he stopped when he saw the pain flickering in Phoebe's eyes. "Spirits are usually stranded on Earth when they have some kind of unfinished business to take care of, something that is keeping them from resting in peace. It's possible that reconciling with you was what Cole needed to be freed from our world."  
  
The explanation was simple enough, and it did make sense. In all likelihood, that was what had happened. But Phoebe couldn't forget the panicked, trapped look on Cole's face right before he disappeared. It had definitely not been the look of someone who was being laid to rest. And as much as she hated him for what he had done to her, Phoebe knew that she still loved Cole, at least his mortal half. "We've got to do something."  
  
"It will do you no good to fight, Balthazar." The voice that spoke had the power and strength of a thunderstorm, along with the calm of a gentle spring breeze. It was both terrible and wonderful at the same time; it echoed all around and inside of Cole, so that he couldn't tell where it was coming from- or even if it was just one voice, or many.  
  
Cole was unable to determine whether the speaker was allied with Heaven or Hell, but then he really didn't care. At this point, he considered both sides to be enemies. He wasn't afraid to let the raw rage show in his tone as he responded. "I'm not Balthazar- not any more. And I'm never going to stop fighting. I'm not going to let you bastards win this one, not this time."  
  
There was a sound that was like thunder rumbling in the distance, and it took Cole a moment to realize that the voice was laughing. "We've already won, Cole. We always win." There was a short pause that followed, then the voice spoke once more. "Why do you continue to fight this? It is what you wanted, is it not? An end to your all of your pain, all of your suffering."  
  
Cole didn't respond immediately. He didn't know how he could possibly explain the flood of emotions that raged inside of him at the mere thought of Phoebe. There were no words strong enough to describe the love that only grew stronger with every breath he took. But the silence was growing deafening, and he needed to answer.  
  
"I love her." They were only three words, but they were heavy with emotion. "I thought- I thought I'd be able to let go of her, but I can't. I can't let go of Phoebe, because I love her. And I don't want to leave her."  
  
"You had your chances with the Charmed One, many chances. And every time, you failed. You must accept your failure and move on." There was no sympathy in the voice's tone, only an awful finality.  
  
"Phoebe, I told you, we can't interfere with this." Phoebe was flipping through the Book of Shadows as Leo tried in vain to make her listen.  
  
"I'm sure as Hell going to try." The Charmed One muttered, trying to find some kind of spell that would summon Cole's spirit, something that would bring him back.  
  
"Listen to me- do you remember when Prue met Death?" Leo got her attention instantly, as well as Piper and Paige's; Prue was still a very touchy subject for the two original sisters, especially Piper. "She learned that she couldn't reverse death, that she couldn't fight it- this is the same thing, Phoebe. Cole needed to find closure, and he did."  
  
"Did it look like Cole had closure, Leo?" Phoebe refused to back down; the Halliwell women had always been stubborn. Without waiting for a response from the Whitelighter she continued looking through the Book, ignoring any further protests from him, or her sisters. She told herself that she just wanted to see Cole because his spirit had not been laid to rest, but in her heart she knew it was because neither of them had let go of each other yet.  
  
"Don't you get it? I can't move on! Phoebe and I were meant to be together; why else would my love for her have survived, even when the Source had possession of me?!" Cole was back to yelling again, sick of the way that higher powers seemed to be manipulating himself and Phoebe.  
  
There was silence for a few moments, and Cole wondered if the voice had left him. Then it spoke again. "You were meant for the Charmed One, Cole." Cole felt his heart leap in his chest (well, that was to say if he actually had a physical body with a heart it would have leaped). This was the one thing he'd been sure about for years, one thing he'd doubted only once, after Phoebe vanquished him for the second time. The voice's next words, however, immediately crushed any joy he had felt.  
  
"But your destiny changed when you managed to escape Hell on your own. The Charmed One was supposed to write a spell that would bring you back, as a mortal; none of us anticipated that you would find a way out yourself, or that you would go insane because of what you'd gone through. You changed your destiny, and this is now the result. You and the Charmed One aren't meant to be any longer." 


End file.
